The way an energetic system expands is to push the edges out to be able to hold more.

But until the expansion happens what it feels like is that you are bursting at the seams and it can be leaky, spilling when even the slightest more comes in.

I’ve felt this way since Burst and my body has literally been overheating. It feels like the transition to an upgrade of holding size that is multiples of what I’m holding now but the process feels so hard.

It’s like the ring of fire I imagine ( I had a c section so I don’t actually know but)

But the crowning, the stretching, the on the edges of capacity before the birth.

I’m agitated and angry, on edge and shorter than usual. I have all this new support I am learning how to show how to support me. I’m still managing a number of unfinished projects and unclosed loops.

It feels and I feel messy as fuck. Probably like when you are shitting with people’s face in your pussy In those last moments of pushing. It’s not hot. It’s vulnerable. Can you imagine a midwife leaving your birth and judging you in your mess? Or your anyone present judging the raw vulnerability they were privileged to witness?

We all have phases like this. And our ability to love ourselves and others in their mess is a sign of our compassion for their humanity and it’s a direct reflection of the relationship with the feminine.

I have enormous approval for my humanity where other people think I can’t see. And what is always abundantly clear to me is that they view my mess as wrong. That I am supposed to not be messy because I’m a spiritual teacher. Like the baby is just supposed to fall out of my pussy with no struggle.

Avoiding mess is not peace. It’s numbness.

It’s the mimic of peace. Conditional peace.

Peace via avoidance is just a different version of fawning.

Staying connected to every single thread in the mess, now that’s what I’m interested in.

Massaging each thread through with connection as the highest (feminine) value is the practice I am interested in.

Loving myself in the transition and ugly messy parts is non negotiable. And I can see it all. Every thread.

The way an energetic system expands is to push the edges out to be able to hold more.

But until the expansion happens what it feels like is that you are bursting at the seams and it can be leaky, spilling when even the slightest more comes in.

I’ve felt this way since Burst and my body has literally been overheating. It feels like the transition to an upgrade of holding size that is multiples of what I’m holding now but the process feels so hard.

It’s like the ring of fire I imagine ( I had a c section so I don’t actually know but)

But the crowning, the stretching, the on the edges of capacity before the birth.

I’m agitated and angry, on edge and shorter than usual. I have all this new support I am learning how to show how to support me. I’m still managing a number of unfinished projects and unclosed loops.

It feels and I feel messy as fuck. Probably like when you are shitting with people’s face in your pussy In those last moments of pushing. It’s not hot. It’s vulnerable. Can you imagine a midwife leaving your birth and judging you in your mess? Or your anyone present judging the raw vulnerability they were privileged to witness?

We all have phases like this. And our ability to love ourselves and others in their mess is a sign of our compassion for their humanity and it’s a direct reflection of the relationship with the feminine.

I have enormous approval for my humanity where other people think I can’t see. And what is always abundantly clear to me is that they view my mess as wrong. That I am supposed to not be messy because I’m a spiritual teacher. Like the baby is just supposed to fall out of my pussy with no struggle.

Avoiding mess is not peace. It’s numbness.

It’s the mimic of peace. Conditional peace.

Peace via avoidance is just a different version of fawning.

Staying connected to every single thread in the mess, now that’s what I’m interested in.

Massaging each thread through with connection as the highest (feminine) value is the practice I am interested in.

Loving myself in the transition and ugly messy parts is non negotiable. And I can see it all. Every thread.