I had a hard day at the Four Seasons today folks 😝

But nah, for real.

Let me tell you about why

I love mastery.

And @fourseasons is a master of the game of service.

It’s the kind of attention where their masculine is so fine tuned to meet my every desire.

But today I was disappointed

But if I’m honest it has been building because things have been pretty loud for me this trip

It was late afternoon at the adult pool

I was relaxing in relative quiet, enjoying my last couple of child free (all children) time of the day

And some loser on a corporate sales retreat thought it was a good idea for him to bring his music speaker into the pool

I of course said something to the staff and he continued to move it around not listening to their request

This incensed me

This was not Four Seasons culture or the reason I go to hotels like this

And word is they are here until Friday the day I leave

I actually cried

Not to manipulate him but just that we were FINALLY on week 3 of the trip

My week

No students, no wedding, no friends to see

This week is for ME

And it touches on this deep old wound my woman has of always being last or forgotten on this journey

It’s no wonder she has mold

I Explained to him that when a large corporate group of male software sales execs take over the property it says to guests like me that we don’t matter

My experience for the rest of my stay will need to become, instead of enjoying the resort, trying to avoid this group.

Say goodbye to the adult pool.

He wanted to accommodate me and tried to offer me a million things

I said even if you comped the rest of my stay you can’t actually accommodate the one thing I really want – PEACE AND QUIET

Why is this the real thing?

Because noise is never the real thing

Particularly people noise

People noise is just one big blob of self avoidance or social patterns dancing together

People want alcohol and loud music to drown out being with themselves

Music can of course be connective and beautiful but rarely do people use it that way

I feel the trip coming to a close

I found out today 3 of the containment zones in my house need more work

I’m going home to an airbnb again until February 8th hoping that my house is livable

There is a feeling of being thrown into the air with my organs just out of my body and this kind of held position of faith “yes it will all come together”

I’m holding and holding but can we please just have peace and quiet for 5 minutes

Can we please just be quiet and alone for 5 minutes

Can I just sit at the pool and look out at the ocean

The whole thing made me want to collapse and just leave the hotel

It has me in a spot I’m actively noticing is impossible to receive

The manager said to me that the resort manager will talk to me tomorrow

And I literally burst into tears and said I don’t want to spend my time talking to the resort manager

I thanked him for everything he is trying to do for me but we agreed he just couldn’t give me what I want

And I’m sitting with that in the bath as I sweat and cry

This is really rare for me to not be able to roll with things

But it’s also rare I feel defeated

And the question here is how can I open here

And today the answer is I don’t know

Sitting here I can hear the speeches of their dinner as if I were down there

Gratitude here for everything would usually be the antidote but right now would be a total bypass of this grief I need to sit with

And part of this grief is that what my woman wants is sometimes so hard to give her on my path and she is basically like “but it’s my turn”

Remember that story of me and my senior high school play?

It’s that spot

She doesn’t want to settle, compromise or share

She wants it how she wants it

She wants peace and quiet

But a fun part of being so in tune with this land?

I walked out on my balcony full of rage and I was met with beautiful lightning and thunder

I had a hard day at the Four Seasons today folks 😝

But nah, for real.

Let me tell you about why

I love mastery.

And @fourseasons is a master of the game of service.

It’s the kind of attention where their masculine is so fine tuned to meet my every desire.

But today I was disappointed

But if I’m honest it has been building because things have been pretty loud for me this trip

It was late afternoon at the adult pool

I was relaxing in relative quiet, enjoying my last couple of child free (all children) time of the day

And some loser on a corporate sales retreat thought it was a good idea for him to bring his music speaker into the pool

I of course said something to the staff and he continued to move it around not listening to their request

This incensed me

This was not Four Seasons culture or the reason I go to hotels like this

And word is they are here until Friday the day I leave

I actually cried

Not to manipulate him but just that we were FINALLY on week 3 of the trip

My week

No students, no wedding, no friends to see

This week is for ME

And it touches on this deep old wound my woman has of always being last or forgotten on this journey

It’s no wonder she has mold

I Explained to him that when a large corporate group of male software sales execs take over the property it says to guests like me that we don’t matter

My experience for the rest of my stay will need to become, instead of enjoying the resort, trying to avoid this group.

Say goodbye to the adult pool.

He wanted to accommodate me and tried to offer me a million things

I said even if you comped the rest of my stay you can’t actually accommodate the one thing I really want – PEACE AND QUIET

Why is this the real thing?

Because noise is never the real thing

Particularly people noise

People noise is just one big blob of self avoidance or social patterns dancing together

People want alcohol and loud music to drown out being with themselves

Music can of course be connective and beautiful but rarely do people use it that way

I feel the trip coming to a close

I found out today 3 of the containment zones in my house need more work

I’m going home to an airbnb again until February 8th hoping that my house is livable

There is a feeling of being thrown into the air with my organs just out of my body and this kind of held position of faith “yes it will all come together”

I’m holding and holding but can we please just have peace and quiet for 5 minutes

Can we please just be quiet and alone for 5 minutes

Can I just sit at the pool and look out at the ocean

The whole thing made me want to collapse and just leave the hotel

It has me in a spot I’m actively noticing is impossible to receive

The manager said to me that the resort manager will talk to me tomorrow

And I literally burst into tears and said I don’t want to spend my time talking to the resort manager

I thanked him for everything he is trying to do for me but we agreed he just couldn’t give me what I want

And I’m sitting with that in the bath as I sweat and cry

This is really rare for me to not be able to roll with things

But it’s also rare I feel defeated

And the question here is how can I open here

And today the answer is I don’t know

Sitting here I can hear the speeches of their dinner as if I were down there

Gratitude here for everything would usually be the antidote but right now would be a total bypass of this grief I need to sit with

And part of this grief is that what my woman wants is sometimes so hard to give her on my path and she is basically like “but it’s my turn”

Remember that story of me and my senior high school play?

It’s that spot

She doesn’t want to settle, compromise or share

She wants it how she wants it

She wants peace and quiet

But a fun part of being so in tune with this land?

I walked out on my balcony full of rage and I was met with beautiful lightning and thunder