First, I want to say how devestating it is to hear so many stories of beautiful and vibrant lives mysteriously debilitated by mold illness.

I am so fucking sorry.

I am shocked at how many people have reached out to me about how sick they have been.

 

I think there was something that broke a little today when I found out there is actually mold growing in my nose and that mold is giving off toxins making me sick and more susceptible to infections like Marcons. A terrible little cycle.

 

I feel mostly ok but I have bee noticing my mind is not sharp like it usually is.

And I’m having a real on my knees moment because I always diminish the mind.

I was joking that when we were in NYC at the king tut exhibit my favorite part was that they threw out the brain but revered the heart.

And I have lost only a little bit of my brain power and it’s not lost on me how horrific it would be to lose my mind.

 

Kellen was telling me something tonight and I couldn’t follow like I normally would and I said to him please slow down. And then I just broke down crying because I had to explain to him that my mind wasn’t working properly.

 

I know how to take a stroke and let it take me right to my knees.

I don’t need to lose my mind one inch further to say oh my God I’m so sorry I didn’t have more reverence for you.

Im so sorry I took you for granted.

Im so sorry I didn’t value you.

Driving tonight I asked “Who would I be without my mind?” And while I could see the spiritual journey even in that, it’s not one I wish to experience.

 

I am going to be ok.

But it really is teaching me something.

It broke me open and really brought me to my knees.

 

We need it all.

The body

The mind

The soul

 

And the truth is while we may be infinite, we are not us without all three in a full, whole integration.

I can’t explain it but each thing I am going through physically feels like an invitation and I’m going to say yes.

I don’t need it to be harder or more extreme to hear and learn.

I’m here and I’m listening and following each thing as it comes.

First, I want to say how devestating it is to hear so many stories of beautiful and vibrant lives mysteriously debilitated by mold illness.

I am so fucking sorry.

I am shocked at how many people have reached out to me about how sick they have been.

 

I think there was something that broke a little today when I found out there is actually mold growing in my nose and that mold is giving off toxins making me sick and more susceptible to infections like Marcons. A terrible little cycle.

 

I feel mostly ok but I have bee noticing my mind is not sharp like it usually is.

And I’m having a real on my knees moment because I always diminish the mind.

I was joking that when we were in NYC at the king tut exhibit my favorite part was that they threw out the brain but revered the heart.

And I have lost only a little bit of my brain power and it’s not lost on me how horrific it would be to lose my mind.

 

Kellen was telling me something tonight and I couldn’t follow like I normally would and I said to him please slow down. And then I just broke down crying because I had to explain to him that my mind wasn’t working properly.

 

I know how to take a stroke and let it take me right to my knees.

I don’t need to lose my mind one inch further to say oh my God I’m so sorry I didn’t have more reverence for you.

Im so sorry I took you for granted.

Im so sorry I didn’t value you.

Driving tonight I asked “Who would I be without my mind?” And while I could see the spiritual journey even in that, it’s not one I wish to experience.

 

I am going to be ok.

But it really is teaching me something.

It broke me open and really brought me to my knees.

 

We need it all.

The body

The mind

The soul

 

And the truth is while we may be infinite, we are not us without all three in a full, whole integration.

I can’t explain it but each thing I am going through physically feels like an invitation and I’m going to say yes.

I don’t need it to be harder or more extreme to hear and learn.

I’m here and I’m listening and following each thing as it comes.