There is a thread that’s standing out to me at the moment with how I’m handling my house and the way I need to handle my body in this next phase of healing.

My doctor and I discussed the trauma I grew up with and the fight instinct and how the way I was going to heal was to allow. Not run to make it go away or rush it. I fully agreed because this allowance has permeated all other areas of my life, and now it’s time for this to shift, last, but not least on the physical.

There is an order of operations. When you accept that, it makes sense.

With my house it has been obvious.

Each layer has been unpeeling.

First we have to find the mold.

Then we have to remove it.

Then we test to confirm it’s gone.

If it isn’t we go back.

Then we demoed some more of the space.

Then we treated the wood in the walls.

This all needs to happen in order or it’s not done properly.

Then the Sheetrock is put back and the rooms put back together.

Meanwhile the front patio is being demolished and resloped .

Then the rest of my furniture needs to go.

Then my clothes need to be taken in a flat bed truck to the cleaners for hand washing.

This order is important.

When I was first learning about the mold I had tooth stuff happening.

I had a surgery scheduled for mid December I intuitively put on hold.

When I began seeing this doctor he wanted me to slow down and let’s test and determine our order of Operations.

The part of me that didn’t want to waste time didn’t like this.

But I knew he was right.

He explained how we needed to approach things in a layered way and the priorities.

How out of order I could make things worse.

For instance.

You don’t just take antifungals.

Maybe you don’t need them (we don’t know yet) but also if you have high inflammation taking them can make things worse.

I had wanted to go back to the dentist and he said wait.

Again I paused.

There is so much patience.

This is the part where you just hang out in the uncomfortable mystery allowing one step to be complete and then moving to the next step.

This slow process of doing it right by slowing all the way down.

It’s hard.

You can feel lost inside it.

My program Disciple / Sacred Fire is not so ironically the exact process.

There is an order of operations to the awakening process.

To gaining more power and learning to wield it.

From moving from student, to beginner apprentice teacher, to standing on your own as a teacher, to real mastery.

A slow, unfolding and yes, orderly process.

You cannot skip ahead.

I’m having great appreciation for the order and the ability to hold the mystery in the long spaces in between.

There is a thread that’s standing out to me at the moment with how I’m handling my house and the way I need to handle my body in this next phase of healing.

My doctor and I discussed the trauma I grew up with and the fight instinct and how the way I was going to heal was to allow. Not run to make it go away or rush it. I fully agreed because this allowance has permeated all other areas of my life, and now it’s time for this to shift, last, but not least on the physical.

There is an order of operations. When you accept that, it makes sense.

With my house it has been obvious.

Each layer has been unpeeling.

First we have to find the mold.

Then we have to remove it.

Then we test to confirm it’s gone.

If it isn’t we go back.

Then we demoed some more of the space.

Then we treated the wood in the walls.

This all needs to happen in order or it’s not done properly.

Then the Sheetrock is put back and the rooms put back together.

Meanwhile the front patio is being demolished and resloped .

Then the rest of my furniture needs to go.

Then my clothes need to be taken in a flat bed truck to the cleaners for hand washing.

This order is important.

When I was first learning about the mold I had tooth stuff happening.

I had a surgery scheduled for mid December I intuitively put on hold.

When I began seeing this doctor he wanted me to slow down and let’s test and determine our order of Operations.

The part of me that didn’t want to waste time didn’t like this.

But I knew he was right.

He explained how we needed to approach things in a layered way and the priorities.

How out of order I could make things worse.

For instance.

You don’t just take antifungals.

Maybe you don’t need them (we don’t know yet) but also if you have high inflammation taking them can make things worse.

I had wanted to go back to the dentist and he said wait.

Again I paused.

There is so much patience.

This is the part where you just hang out in the uncomfortable mystery allowing one step to be complete and then moving to the next step.

This slow process of doing it right by slowing all the way down.

It’s hard.

You can feel lost inside it.

My program Disciple / Sacred Fire is not so ironically the exact process.

There is an order of operations to the awakening process.

To gaining more power and learning to wield it.

From moving from student, to beginner apprentice teacher, to standing on your own as a teacher, to real mastery.

A slow, unfolding and yes, orderly process.

You cannot skip ahead.

I’m having great appreciation for the order and the ability to hold the mystery in the long spaces in between.