Yesterday, after five long, full days of working the Monarch retreat I climbed onto one of my body / energy worker’s table and melted.

Everything in my body was just butter.

All the places that usually grip were malleable.

She said to me “This is the most relaxed I have ever felt your nervous system.”

She even put my Atlas back with ease, as it pops out of place often.

And this confirmed something a bit alarming to me that I had been suspecting.

I’m not doing ENOUGH.

Last week I had done a sermon in SXBMB™️ class about the swamp. (Available in my app)

I had been combing through pieces about my bodily swampiness- very damp – in TCM and considering what would be my energetic prescription. It was to move the energy MORE.

And I thought to myself, no fucking way. I am holding so much and doing so much it has to be something else.

But alas I cannot unsee it.

Doing in person ceremonies, the truth simply was undeniable.

The hermit in me who has greatly enjoyed hiding behind a screen and seeing no people for years was deeply confronted by this Truth because she knows she is not in charge.

I need to be working in the energy, in person.

Fuck.

I can’t tell you how confronting this is.

The part of me that wants to collapse and be like “oh but online is so easy and they still get the thing”.

Well. That’s the key word. Collapse.

The swamp has been hiding here all along.

In plain sight.

I could feel the expansion that wants to happen and I’ve been holding back because I don’t want people to feel compression or FOMO.

Tiny little threads of energy compounding, having a massive impact on my body.

Someone told me this once, about working on people physically.

My answer was quick.

I don’t do that.

I feel like I just opened a can of worms I am going to be sorting through for a while.

It’s no coincidence the minute the retreat came through the second in person event came through October 6-8.

I am actually considering some regular local ceremonies.

I’m clearly in the land of new territory that I would have preferred to not see.

I would have preferred to sit quietly alone and get on the screen occasionally.

I would have preferred not to spend money on venues and production and videographers.

I would have preferred to just disappear after I teach.

I would have preferred to stay SMALL.

Yes.

This is actually me still fucking being small if you can believe it.

There are moments in all our journeys where we say Holy Fuck you have got to be kidding me.

And with riotous laughter the veil is pulled and you are back at the beginning and all you can do is seriously laugh along with this ridiculous game!

So I will give you a sneak peek of a frequency that’s coming and it’s definitely going to be in person.

I felt it come in and I did the shoot.

I know it needs to be in person.

It’s like 3-4 x a year in person.

But I said eventually.

It had no dates.

But I am going to put it here so that I can’t hide it.

Stay tuned to this channel.

Yesterday, after five long, full days of working the Monarch retreat I climbed onto one of my body / energy worker’s table and melted.

Everything in my body was just butter.

All the places that usually grip were malleable.

She said to me “This is the most relaxed I have ever felt your nervous system.”

She even put my Atlas back with ease, as it pops out of place often.

And this confirmed something a bit alarming to me that I had been suspecting.

I’m not doing ENOUGH.

Last week I had done a sermon in SXBMB™️ class about the swamp. (Available in my app)

I had been combing through pieces about my bodily swampiness- very damp – in TCM and considering what would be my energetic prescription. It was to move the energy MORE.

And I thought to myself, no fucking way. I am holding so much and doing so much it has to be something else.

But alas I cannot unsee it.

Doing in person ceremonies, the truth simply was undeniable.

The hermit in me who has greatly enjoyed hiding behind a screen and seeing no people for years was deeply confronted by this Truth because she knows she is not in charge.

I need to be working in the energy, in person.

Fuck.

I can’t tell you how confronting this is.

The part of me that wants to collapse and be like “oh but online is so easy and they still get the thing”.

Well. That’s the key word. Collapse.

The swamp has been hiding here all along.

In plain sight.

I could feel the expansion that wants to happen and I’ve been holding back because I don’t want people to feel compression or FOMO.

Tiny little threads of energy compounding, having a massive impact on my body.

Someone told me this once, about working on people physically.

My answer was quick.

I don’t do that.

I feel like I just opened a can of worms I am going to be sorting through for a while.

It’s no coincidence the minute the retreat came through the second in person event came through October 6-8.

I am actually considering some regular local ceremonies.

I’m clearly in the land of new territory that I would have preferred to not see.

I would have preferred to sit quietly alone and get on the screen occasionally.

I would have preferred not to spend money on venues and production and videographers.

I would have preferred to just disappear after I teach.

I would have preferred to stay SMALL.

Yes.

This is actually me still fucking being small if you can believe it.

There are moments in all our journeys where we say Holy Fuck you have got to be kidding me.

And with riotous laughter the veil is pulled and you are back at the beginning and all you can do is seriously laugh along with this ridiculous game!

So I will give you a sneak peek of a frequency that’s coming and it’s definitely going to be in person.

I felt it come in and I did the shoot.

I know it needs to be in person.

It’s like 3-4 x a year in person.

But I said eventually.

It had no dates.

But I am going to put it here so that I can’t hide it.

Stay tuned to this channel.