One of the immature patterns I see people present with (yes like a symptom of disease) is showing up conditionally, but specifically needing the other partner to provide some assurances first.

This can look a lot of different ways:

* I need him to change so that I can …

* I need him to make me feel safe so I can open

* I need her to stop doing X so that I can Y.
and on and on.

What’s happening is survival.
It signals a lack of trust, a fear of rejection and placing conditions on one’s own full expression.

“I’ll open if “ or “when”“I’ll be vulnerable if she is” .

I can’t tell you how many couples I see alter their behavior to appease a partner so as not to rock the boat or blow up the relationship.
These are not done from love and respect.
They are done out of fear in trying to keep a relationship together.

News Flash. Things that are TRUE do not require effort to maintain.
They most certainly do not require you to hold your tongue or make yourself smaller.
If your partner is intimidated by you at full size then this is not a relationship based in Truth.

I see a lot of women choose men with big fixed rigid egos because they want a man who “leads” aka takes all responsibility off their plate so they don’t have to be responsible for their desire.

And when these women begin to deepen their relationship with Truth and their bodies turn on these men get terrified and controlling and possibly even abusive.

One such man was so triggered by my post the other day he called Kellen a “wuss” for not “putting me in my place”.That’s right. To him, the fact I’m allowed to be so big is a FAULT of my husband’s and it must be that he doesn’t have me in line.

Kellen took care of that swiftly but these men are everywhere.
Online polarity coaching has bred a whole new legion of men like this with fawning damsels waiting to sign up for their (no so) Prince Charming.

Moving from living and loving from survival to living and loving from Truth is a big switch.
People still think a relationship is about someone loving YOU and getting your needs met.
No, that’s what a child needs.
An adult relationship is two whole people coming together fully resourced and pouring love onto that person.
Serving them in relationship.
BOTH WAYS.

“I’m not budging until he apologizes” she says with a humph and closes her body posture and withholds her love.

Well that will continue to perpetuate a non response from an adult.It might scare a child though.
So then you call his little boy who comes running to mommy…”oh no I’m sorry please forgive me don’t shut off the love.”

“I’m really angry about the way that was handled but I love you and I’m open to discussing this.” She says with a mature, grounded soft open body posture while not denying her anger.
This invites him in and he can hear her adjustments because she is showing unconditional love and respect.

This is NOT behavior modification.
This is behavior maturation.
And there may be some work to do to have this be True.
Mature.
Adult.
Relationships.

Who chose your partner?
What truths aren’t you admitting?
What needs tweaking?
Where are you closed?
What is really connected and on?
What’s hot, what’s not?
How can we go deeper?

One of the immature patterns I see people present with (yes like a symptom of disease) is showing up conditionally, but specifically needing the other partner to provide some assurances first.

This can look a lot of different ways:

* I need him to change so that I can …

* I need him to make me feel safe so I can open

* I need her to stop doing X so that I can Y.
and on and on.

What’s happening is survival.
It signals a lack of trust, a fear of rejection and placing conditions on one’s own full expression.

“I’ll open if “ or “when”“I’ll be vulnerable if she is” .

I can’t tell you how many couples I see alter their behavior to appease a partner so as not to rock the boat or blow up the relationship.
These are not done from love and respect.
They are done out of fear in trying to keep a relationship together.

News Flash. Things that are TRUE do not require effort to maintain.
They most certainly do not require you to hold your tongue or make yourself smaller.
If your partner is intimidated by you at full size then this is not a relationship based in Truth.

I see a lot of women choose men with big fixed rigid egos because they want a man who “leads” aka takes all responsibility off their plate so they don’t have to be responsible for their desire.

And when these women begin to deepen their relationship with Truth and their bodies turn on these men get terrified and controlling and possibly even abusive.

One such man was so triggered by my post the other day he called Kellen a “wuss” for not “putting me in my place”.That’s right. To him, the fact I’m allowed to be so big is a FAULT of my husband’s and it must be that he doesn’t have me in line.

Kellen took care of that swiftly but these men are everywhere.
Online polarity coaching has bred a whole new legion of men like this with fawning damsels waiting to sign up for their (no so) Prince Charming.

Moving from living and loving from survival to living and loving from Truth is a big switch.
People still think a relationship is about someone loving YOU and getting your needs met.
No, that’s what a child needs.
An adult relationship is two whole people coming together fully resourced and pouring love onto that person.
Serving them in relationship.
BOTH WAYS.

“I’m not budging until he apologizes” she says with a humph and closes her body posture and withholds her love.

Well that will continue to perpetuate a non response from an adult.It might scare a child though.
So then you call his little boy who comes running to mommy…”oh no I’m sorry please forgive me don’t shut off the love.”

“I’m really angry about the way that was handled but I love you and I’m open to discussing this.” She says with a mature, grounded soft open body posture while not denying her anger.
This invites him in and he can hear her adjustments because she is showing unconditional love and respect.

This is NOT behavior modification.
This is behavior maturation.
And there may be some work to do to have this be True.
Mature.
Adult.
Relationships.

Who chose your partner?
What truths aren’t you admitting?
What needs tweaking?
Where are you closed?
What is really connected and on?
What’s hot, what’s not?
How can we go deeper?