Most of you don’t know me prior to this phase of my life as a married woman and a mother.

But for the majority of my life I was just dripping in sex.
Last night I was telling a story about when I was 15 and I went on a teen tour to Costa Rica.

A handful of girls and female chaparone.
We stayed in a rainforest preserve owned by some British conservationists on the southern pacific coast.
There was nothing there.
We flew in on tiny planes where they weighed us and our luggage before getting on, landing on a grass airstrip.
The air was wet.

At the preserve there was a man, Fernando, and he was one of our guides.
He would take us on tours in the Amazon and show us plants and wild life.
He was married and his wife was very pregnant British woman.
One night he asked at dinner if anyone wanted to go on a night hike to see the cats in the jungle.
I really was excited about this and wanted to go.
No one else did.

So somehow, I was off alone with a man as a 15 year old girl alone on a hike in the jungle at night.
I have always felt safe and safe in my body. So I went.
He of course came onto me as soon as we were alone enough where he felt he could.
Any adult should have predicted that.
But I was a clear no.
I was never afraid.
In fact because I was so secure in my sexuality I knew I was in control and that I had the power.
His needy hunger for me was to me a sign of his weakness.
And I told him that it was wrong and disgusting to cheat on his pregnant wife and he should not do that.
So as I held him in this I coached him towards his own highest good not succumbing to this unconscious lust.

The truth is I probably would have fucked him.
But I am super disgusted by bugs and being in the jungle at night was just like – no way.
But never for one minute did I think I wasn’t in control.
I had him in the palm of my hand.

This is not to make anyone feel badly about situations where they were violated.
I think this story will evoke shame in some women who worry they could have done more.
And I am sorry if this activates that. It’s not the point of the post.
You did what you were capable of at the time.

I want to illustrate two things.
One, I was always deeply connected to and empowered by my sexuality.
I was never victimized by my sex or men or hunger or leering or cat calling.
I loved it all.
It was a reflection of how much I loved sex.
Even at 15.
And two, if it becomes your home channel it’s an addiction.

When I entered my path in the practice of pussy stroking I was hypersexual.
All sex was good sex.
I was a super down to fuck woman.
I had preferences sure but when your body is lit and everything feels good it just really doesn’t matter.
I really resented dating and needing to do relationships to have sex.
I would get so addicted to relationships with the wrong people and it just presented this huge problem for me about having the sex I wanted.
This idea of pussy stroking with no relationship and no expectations and no dating was so attractive!

While it was much more intimate that I expected or wanted once I made through the first few months I was attending practice sometimes five times a day.
But something interesting happened eventually.
Whatever drove my hypersexuality, my boundary-less-ness and insatiable hunger was healed in all of the inner work I did.
And my relationship to this practice shifted.

When Kellen and I left San Francisco we sealed our energetic container.
When we got married there was a clear and present respect and honoring that this energy was for us.
And as I deepened the holding of my sexual energy and stopped being obsessed with sex and making it the center of my life, so much opened and flourished.
My creation blossomed.
My power grew into a pristine field.
My focus moved from using the life force of my sexuality to serve my ego, to allowing the energy to keep my field hot and clear.
.
Some people are addicted to hunger and yearning and being taken out of control.
Some people want to crawl on the floor for things.
Some people want to be tied up and hung upside down and fucked with all manner of objects.
Great!
Enjoy it.
I’ve done it all.
We are human and it’s one of life’s pleasures.
But there is an awakening beyond this.
There is more.
.
When I look back at the woman I was who could lay down and literally let any man stroke her pussy I feel sad for her.
It is not some feminist achievement.
Who did she need to be to be able to do that?
What if that was my daughter?
What would I teach her about her body and her energy?
And it’s all perfect. It changed my life.
But there is a reason I don’t practice that way anymore.

It is true that there is no awakening, awakening the Feminine or awakening the world without pussy.
It is an essential ingredient.
But it isn’t the hungry hypersexual lusty feral woman who is going to awaken and lead the world.
Trust me, I was her.
It is the MOTHER.
It is the CRONE.
The seductress has her role. Absolutely. Just like everyone in the archetypal cast.
But the seductress is the shadow of the maiden.
And neither are going to change the world.
They are the two archetypes who have created the split we live in.
.
The women who feel like they need to hide behind their dripping sex are the one’s who won’t really surrender to the will of the divine.
They sub is always the one in control in the play of sex.
I lived this for a very a long time.
But when you begin to change the channel from your lusty desire to the frequency of Truth then you move towards following a different kind of desire.
The desire that the universe has for you.
The embracing of every initiation.
.
Everything is perfect.
We need to experience it all.
There is no wrong experience to have.
But there is a season for each experience.
The season of the hypersexual woman in the collective is coming to an end.

Most of you don’t know me prior to this phase of my life as a married woman and a mother.

But for the majority of my life I was just dripping in sex.
Last night I was telling a story about when I was 15 and I went on a teen tour to Costa Rica.

A handful of girls and female chaparone.
We stayed in a rainforest preserve owned by some British conservationists on the southern pacific coast.
There was nothing there.
We flew in on tiny planes where they weighed us and our luggage before getting on, landing on a grass airstrip.
The air was wet.

At the preserve there was a man, Fernando, and he was one of our guides.
He would take us on tours in the Amazon and show us plants and wild life.
He was married and his wife was very pregnant British woman.
One night he asked at dinner if anyone wanted to go on a night hike to see the cats in the jungle.
I really was excited about this and wanted to go.
No one else did.

So somehow, I was off alone with a man as a 15 year old girl alone on a hike in the jungle at night.
I have always felt safe and safe in my body. So I went.
He of course came onto me as soon as we were alone enough where he felt he could.
Any adult should have predicted that.
But I was a clear no.
I was never afraid.
In fact because I was so secure in my sexuality I knew I was in control and that I had the power.
His needy hunger for me was to me a sign of his weakness.
And I told him that it was wrong and disgusting to cheat on his pregnant wife and he should not do that.
So as I held him in this I coached him towards his own highest good not succumbing to this unconscious lust.

The truth is I probably would have fucked him.
But I am super disgusted by bugs and being in the jungle at night was just like – no way.
But never for one minute did I think I wasn’t in control.
I had him in the palm of my hand.

This is not to make anyone feel badly about situations where they were violated.
I think this story will evoke shame in some women who worry they could have done more.
And I am sorry if this activates that. It’s not the point of the post.
You did what you were capable of at the time.

I want to illustrate two things.
One, I was always deeply connected to and empowered by my sexuality.
I was never victimized by my sex or men or hunger or leering or cat calling.
I loved it all.
It was a reflection of how much I loved sex.
Even at 15.
And two, if it becomes your home channel it’s an addiction.

When I entered my path in the practice of pussy stroking I was hypersexual.
All sex was good sex.
I was a super down to fuck woman.
I had preferences sure but when your body is lit and everything feels good it just really doesn’t matter.
I really resented dating and needing to do relationships to have sex.
I would get so addicted to relationships with the wrong people and it just presented this huge problem for me about having the sex I wanted.
This idea of pussy stroking with no relationship and no expectations and no dating was so attractive!

While it was much more intimate that I expected or wanted once I made through the first few months I was attending practice sometimes five times a day.
But something interesting happened eventually.
Whatever drove my hypersexuality, my boundary-less-ness and insatiable hunger was healed in all of the inner work I did.
And my relationship to this practice shifted.

When Kellen and I left San Francisco we sealed our energetic container.
When we got married there was a clear and present respect and honoring that this energy was for us.
And as I deepened the holding of my sexual energy and stopped being obsessed with sex and making it the center of my life, so much opened and flourished.
My creation blossomed.
My power grew into a pristine field.
My focus moved from using the life force of my sexuality to serve my ego, to allowing the energy to keep my field hot and clear.
.
Some people are addicted to hunger and yearning and being taken out of control.
Some people want to crawl on the floor for things.
Some people want to be tied up and hung upside down and fucked with all manner of objects.
Great!
Enjoy it.
I’ve done it all.
We are human and it’s one of life’s pleasures.
But there is an awakening beyond this.
There is more.
.
When I look back at the woman I was who could lay down and literally let any man stroke her pussy I feel sad for her.
It is not some feminist achievement.
Who did she need to be to be able to do that?
What if that was my daughter?
What would I teach her about her body and her energy?
And it’s all perfect. It changed my life.
But there is a reason I don’t practice that way anymore.

It is true that there is no awakening, awakening the Feminine or awakening the world without pussy.
It is an essential ingredient.
But it isn’t the hungry hypersexual lusty feral woman who is going to awaken and lead the world.
Trust me, I was her.
It is the MOTHER.
It is the CRONE.
The seductress has her role. Absolutely. Just like everyone in the archetypal cast.
But the seductress is the shadow of the maiden.
And neither are going to change the world.
They are the two archetypes who have created the split we live in.
.
The women who feel like they need to hide behind their dripping sex are the one’s who won’t really surrender to the will of the divine.
They sub is always the one in control in the play of sex.
I lived this for a very a long time.
But when you begin to change the channel from your lusty desire to the frequency of Truth then you move towards following a different kind of desire.
The desire that the universe has for you.
The embracing of every initiation.
.
Everything is perfect.
We need to experience it all.
There is no wrong experience to have.
But there is a season for each experience.
The season of the hypersexual woman in the collective is coming to an end.