I have hit a new baseline and it feels like a wide open pasture….

Nothing for forever.

And some part of me is like, this is unsustainable we are going to collapse.

Except we aren’t.

It’s just pure field all the time.

I remember a couple of years ago I moved to a new level of having and I lost the flinch of “it’s going to be taken from me.”

As I was sitting in the bath reflecting on this and thinking right, I used to be given beautiful things and then I would have them taken away when I didn’t do what was asked of me.

I had a wonky relationship with desire for a long time.

It was either “fuck you” I’m taking this it’s mine

Or

I don’t want anything so you can’t take it away.

The most fascinating thing was I actually felt safest when I had no money.

I have nothing so no one can have power over me.

It took a long time to allow myself to have nice things again.

What’s interesting is that the lesson the Universe has been giving me is that it will always give me the energy I need.

I feel like it was so clear at Permission.

Not a chance my body could have done that without the field.

And when I got off stage it was like I turned into a pumpkin.

And then when it was over it was like a genie getting stuffed back into a lamp.

I rested for weeks after Permission, giving my body time to catch up.

And what has happened is like another layer has just burned off.

Gone.

The focus.

The capacity to just hold and keep on holding and do more.

None of it is with my adrenals.

It’s clear and clean and white hot fire.

But grounded.

And did I mention the focus?

I cannot even look at the television.

I’m actually a little scared like NOOOOOOOO !!!

Not SHOWS!!!!!!

But I literally can’t.

I’m locked in the zone.

It’s wild here. I actually didn’t know this place existed.

It’s like a world above the clouds.

It’s PRISTINE.

And there is nothing extra.

And the realization of wow.

Literally we reached the next level.

I don’t have to worry about the collapse.

It doesn’t have to fall.

We can continue to expand beyond the edges.

Wow wow wow.

I have hit a new baseline and it feels like a wide open pasture….

Nothing for forever.

And some part of me is like, this is unsustainable we are going to collapse.

Except we aren’t.

It’s just pure field all the time.

I remember a couple of years ago I moved to a new level of having and I lost the flinch of “it’s going to be taken from me.”

As I was sitting in the bath reflecting on this and thinking right, I used to be given beautiful things and then I would have them taken away when I didn’t do what was asked of me.

I had a wonky relationship with desire for a long time.

It was either “fuck you” I’m taking this it’s mine

Or

I don’t want anything so you can’t take it away.

The most fascinating thing was I actually felt safest when I had no money.

I have nothing so no one can have power over me.

It took a long time to allow myself to have nice things again.

What’s interesting is that the lesson the Universe has been giving me is that it will always give me the energy I need.

I feel like it was so clear at Permission.

Not a chance my body could have done that without the field.

And when I got off stage it was like I turned into a pumpkin.

And then when it was over it was like a genie getting stuffed back into a lamp.

I rested for weeks after Permission, giving my body time to catch up.

And what has happened is like another layer has just burned off.

Gone.

The focus.

The capacity to just hold and keep on holding and do more.

None of it is with my adrenals.

It’s clear and clean and white hot fire.

But grounded.

And did I mention the focus?

I cannot even look at the television.

I’m actually a little scared like NOOOOOOOO !!!

Not SHOWS!!!!!!

But I literally can’t.

I’m locked in the zone.

It’s wild here. I actually didn’t know this place existed.

It’s like a world above the clouds.

It’s PRISTINE.

And there is nothing extra.

And the realization of wow.

Literally we reached the next level.

I don’t have to worry about the collapse.

It doesn’t have to fall.

We can continue to expand beyond the edges.

Wow wow wow.