There was a moment when I was on stage and I thought My God

THIS

IS

IT

This is all I have ever wanted.

And it had nothing to do with the stage or the audience or any idea about what was happening

It was the full liberation of every internal compartment and every external shield

Full and total expansion and extension

I don’t actually have the language for it quite yet

I need to sit with the translation

But if I had to try to describe it perhaps this will illustrate it

Imagine practicing and rehearsing a complex labyrinth full of booby traps and obstacles and the moment comes where you are about to run through it and you nail

EVERY

SINGLE

PIECE

and in doing so you unlock this internal experience that is simply a tapestry of art of your soul finally getting to feel itself

That you have made it

That you have done it

That you are through

And most importantly that there is no going back

A moment you had a faint understanding was possible

But you couldn’t ever know until you know

In 2015 I landed the first piece of this which was a return to my heart

This feeling I had been seeking my whole life was inside of me

And the feeling was HOME

But this

This was IT

This was everything

Full extension

Flying fast in slow motion

A visceral knowing in my cells that

I

AM

THE

WHOLE

UNIVERSE

It is all me and it is all mine and I am also it and belong to it

I am not talking about seeing while out of my body or knowing intellectually

I am talking about the embodied experience flowing through me

The knowing through experiencing

The evaporation of the borders while also being so deeply in

I have of course had glimpses of this

But I will be honest

It’s blowing my mind how beautiful it is

I really had no idea I could feel so much

LOVE or Joy or sheer perfection

The kind of perfection you can’t intend but is only created through total presence

 

The only way I can really describe it is it feels FLAWLESS

Because you are so present it just IS

It is FLAWLESS

Every single internal part of me was liberated on that stage

And when I looked at what came through is that I am just a giant cosmic artist

I saw my director

producer

DJ

Art curator

Fashion and set designer

Handy craft mala maker

my singer

my magician

my shaman

my teacher

my wife

my friend

my mother

my goddess

It’s all me

I don’t have to be one thing because I am everything

It has taken me many years and more accurately many lifetimes to birth myself in this way

And I can see how every lesson

All the pain

All of the suffering

All of the mistakes

All of the gates

All of the things we have to earn and prove and suffer

are both preparation and payment

to have this on Earth

what a divine blessing

i am so grateful for this wild fucked up game we play

I am sitting with so much gratitude for every single being who made this moment in this life possible

There was a moment when I was on stage and I thought My God

THIS

IS

IT

This is all I have ever wanted.

And it had nothing to do with the stage or the audience or any idea about what was happening

It was the full liberation of every internal compartment and every external shield

Full and total expansion and extension

I don’t actually have the language for it quite yet

I need to sit with the translation

But if I had to try to describe it perhaps this will illustrate it

Imagine practicing and rehearsing a complex labyrinth full of booby traps and obstacles and the moment comes where you are about to run through it and you nail

EVERY

SINGLE

PIECE

and in doing so you unlock this internal experience that is simply a tapestry of art of your soul finally getting to feel itself

That you have made it

That you have done it

That you are through

And most importantly that there is no going back

A moment you had a faint understanding was possible

But you couldn’t ever know until you know

In 2015 I landed the first piece of this which was a return to my heart

This feeling I had been seeking my whole life was inside of me

And the feeling was HOME

But this

This was IT

This was everything

Full extension

Flying fast in slow motion

A visceral knowing in my cells that

I

AM

THE

WHOLE

UNIVERSE

It is all me and it is all mine and I am also it and belong to it

I am not talking about seeing while out of my body or knowing intellectually

I am talking about the embodied experience flowing through me

The knowing through experiencing

The evaporation of the borders while also being so deeply in

I have of course had glimpses of this

But I will be honest

It’s blowing my mind how beautiful it is

I really had no idea I could feel so much

LOVE or Joy or sheer perfection

The kind of perfection you can’t intend but is only created through total presence

 

The only way I can really describe it is it feels FLAWLESS

Because you are so present it just IS

It is FLAWLESS

Every single internal part of me was liberated on that stage

And when I looked at what came through is that I am just a giant cosmic artist

I saw my director

producer

DJ

Art curator

Fashion and set designer

Handy craft mala maker

my singer

my magician

my shaman

my teacher

my wife

my friend

my mother

my goddess

It’s all me

I don’t have to be one thing because I am everything

It has taken me many years and more accurately many lifetimes to birth myself in this way

And I can see how every lesson

All the pain

All of the suffering

All of the mistakes

All of the gates

All of the things we have to earn and prove and suffer

are both preparation and payment

to have this on Earth

what a divine blessing

i am so grateful for this wild fucked up game we play

I am sitting with so much gratitude for every single being who made this moment in this life possible